Things you never knew
by dreamerdreaming
Summary: There are things about Dean that Rory never knew. Things that just wouldn't fit in with the StarsHollow lifestyle. What happens when things become to much for him and all is revealed? Drama/Hurt/Comfort/Romance with touches of Gilmore comedy.
1. Chapter 1

* * *

THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW.

* * *

**CHAPTER 1**

Dean sat on his bed. All kinds of dangerous thoughts were running through his head. Rory was leaving him. He could feel it in his chest every time he closed his eyes and opened his mind to the reality of her behaviour. He'd been shutting it out, ignoring it, because the truth was he'd never felt so lucky as he had being with Rory and the guilt of not being good enough for her had begun to convince him that he was lucky enough just to have had her attention for at least a little while. It wasn't just Rory. His mom and dad had been arguing a lot lately and he'd been having trouble shielding Clara from it and finding time to see Rory. He knew he should talk to her about it, but with his latest realisations he'd felt too guilty to say anything.

This is how it always was. Whenever something went wrong, he knew it was his fault. He even felt like it was his fault his parents were having such a hard time. If he'd been a better son – was doing better at school, wasn't spending so much time away from home... His mind was full of one guilty thought after another, and he wasn't sure how he was going to handle them. Clara didn't know that they were only half sister and brother, that his mother had re-married to his step-father before she was born. Dean didn't really want her to find out either, because then she might be curious about his real father, and he didn't ever want to think about him again.

'You'd only end up being jealous and treating her like Dad treated Mom... it's better off this way...'

He'd tried his best to be nothing like his real father. He hadn't seen him since he was six years old, but he could still remember the way he treated his mother. He'd tried to make sure he was never like him with Rory. He'd never felt the urge to hurt her, but even sex, which his friends often joked with him about, had become an issue. It wasn't that it was an issue because he wanted it, but that he didn't want it. He knew he loved Rory and yet he just couldn't imagine being with her in that intimate way. This was also playing with his already sensitive mind and he realised that this was how it was always going to be. Whenever anything bad happened to him, he'd react with guilty sensitivity and that awful pain just above his stomach that wouldn't go away for days at a time. 'Maybe' he thought, 'I should see a therapist'.

* * *

Clara was staying at a friend's house for the weekend and Dean was watching television in the living room. His mother stood at the doorway and had been watching him for a little while.

It was a Friday night and Rory was working on her application essay for Harvard. He was thinking about what was going to happen when Rory went off to Harvard and how much he'd miss her. 'You better get used to life without Rory now...' he told himself and turned the volume up on the episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S that was already blaring out from the TV.

"You used to love this show"

He turned his head, startled by his mothers seemingly sudden presence and gave her a weak smile.

"Sometimes I think it would be nice if life were as simple and obvious" he sighs.

"I guess when you're a kid they are..."

"I suppose" he mumbles and turns back to the TV.

"I've noticed you... you've not quite, well you've not been yourself for a while now. Care to tell me what's troubling you?" she ventured, sitting beside him and tucking a strand of his limp brown hair behind an ear.

He stood and moved towards the kitchen. "It's nothing.".

He finds himself automatically taking out two glasses and a bottle of beer. "Do you want one?" he asks, glancing over to make sure she knows what he means.

"Yeah sweetie, you know me all too well... "

"So, where's Dad tonight?"

"Oh, he's out with some friends. He's under a lot of pressure at work lately... actually i am too... How's your job at Dosey's going?"

"Mom, I quit a few months ago... I'm working at a book store now... trying to keep up with Rory" he smiled. "I thought I told you?"

The smile faded as he thought about how pathetically desperate he sounded. But it didn't feel like that... it felt like, with every book he read, he felt more important, more confident, more intelligent, but most of all more like he deserved Rory.

"Oh yes, she is quite the bookworm isn't she..." she kind of shouted back at him.

He could tell she was already a little tipsy. Not the kind of tipsy anyone else would notice, but the kind of tipsy only he would. Right now he'd do anything to take her mind off of the subjects she so obviously wanted to bring up.

"You know, giving me a drink won't shut me up... I still wanna know what's up with my baby boy" his mother states as he sits beside her again.

"Mum, you don't want to know okay..."

"Don't tell me what I do and don't want to know Dean.. I know perfectly well I don't like it when you act all superior and controlling" she took on a more serious facial expression as she spoke.

Dean opened his mouth to say something in his defence, but just closed his lips together again.

"I'm sorry. It's the drink... one day I'll stop... one day, when I'm good and ready..." she trailed off as she took a sip of the beer.

Dean shook his head at the irony of his mother's actions and sighed again "I know Mom..."

"So is it Rory?" She began again, drinking from her glass rapidly.

Dean looked away from his alcoholic of a mother in an attempt to shield the emotion in his glazed over eyes.

"So, it is. It's Rory."

He suddenly felt a hand wrap around his chin and turn his face back to hers. She stared at him for a long time, before she spoke.

"What did you do this time?" she asked

The tear dropped from the rim of his left eye and he caught it with his sleeve. "Why do you always make everything my fault..."

"Dean... I just don't want you to end up like him..." she grabbed what was left of the bottle of beer and put it to her lips, taking a gulp.

"Mom, I'm nothing like him!" Dean cried, unable to help the frustration that was evident in his now cracking voice. "I don't think I'm good enough for her okay! I enjoy spending time with her, I feel a little smarter every time we have a conversation, but it's just... it's just"

"It's just what? You've been having bad thoughts haven't you...involving Rory..."

"No!" he states, "Never..." but the upset look in his eyes was quickly mistaken by his drunk mother for guilt.

"Do you want to hurt her like he hurt me...?!" she screamed suddenly, causing Dean to jump back and fall to the floor.

He stood quickly and faced her in-front of the TV. "Why do you always have to make everything about you!" he shouted back.

They stare at each-other for a long time. Dean can tell his mother is angry. She does this when she'd really angry. She stops talking for a long time and just stares at him. It's always made him rather uncomfortable really.

"Is anyone here? I left my Wallet on the kitchen..." Dean's Step-Dad, Jim enters the room. "What's going on here? Am I missing something?" He asks looking from Dean to his mother in suspicious confusion.

Dean rolls his eyes. "No. Everything is fine. We just..."

"It's not fine." His mother interrupted, "Dean's been having problems with his girlfriend"

"Mom!" he shot back. "I swear to God..."

"Don't talk to your mother in that tone Dean"

"Yeah well, she's the one with the drinking problem, not me..."

"Have you been drinking?" Jim turns to her.

"No... she's been pouring that down my throat" Dean said sarcastically while nodding his head towards the beer bottle still lying in her hand.

"You said you'd..." her husband begins.

"Look" she interrupts him as well, "...the reason I've been drinking... I well, I think Dean is becoming like his father.. I think he's been hurting Rory... and I'm scared of him... I'm scared he'll turn..." she began to cry.

Deans step-father looks up at him, unsure of who to believe. "Is this true Dean?"

"I, I can't believe this. I can't believe my own family!" he states in disbelief.

"Dean, is what your mother saying true?!" he says, raising his voice a little more.

"You don't even love me..." his wife mumbled between sobs. "You don't believe in me anymore... you don't even believe what I say..."

His step-father put a hand to his head and rubs his forehead with his fingers. "Why tonight Dean? I just wanted one night...I think you better leave for a while, just until she's sobered up..."

"Leave? This is my house... I've got nowhere to go..." Dean pleaded with his already swelling up eyes.

"What about Rory?" his father suggested

"Don't you care about what he's doing to her..." his mother still sat sobbing.

Dean rolled his eyes again and left the room, grabbing his jacket from a chair near the door. "She needs some serious help." He shouted back as he left. If anyone needed therapy most in his family, it certainly wasn't him.

* * *

He walked the cool streets of Stars Hollow wondering how long he should wait before he returned home. He scorned himself for not noticing how under the influence his mother had actually been and went over all of the ways he could have possibly prevented the night's events from unfolding the way they did.

He rubbed his back where he'd hit the side of the coffee table as he fallen off the living-room couch. He hadn't been that scared of his mother in a very long time. It was almost like being a kid again. He wouldn't go back to that time in his life again for all the riches in the world, but he did really miss his Grandma Caroline. Though he felt safe enough with Jim, his step-father, and he'd had moments of clarity between his mother and him, none of the authoritative figures in his life had quite provided him with the love he felt from Grandma Caroline. The woman had been practically radiating with it and Dean still felt that little black hole in his chest which had opened up the day she had died. Maybe that was the feeling he got when he was upset... a longing for someone to help him through whatever it was he was going through.

He guessed it couldn't hurt to try. It couldn't hurt to tell Rory the truth, seeing as he was already going to lose her. He turned in the direction of the Gilmore residence and ran a shaky hand through his hair.

* * *

So there is the result of a rush of fanfiction passion and two hours of late night/early morning typing. I guess, you could review the story if you liked it. Tell me what you think could be improved...? maybe suggest something? All that kind of Jazz would very much be appreciated. Thanks for reading.

Regards,

~Lorelai Poulain

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW.

* * *

**CHAPTER 2.**

**PREVIOUSLY:**_ He guessed it couldn't hurt to try. It couldn't hurt to tell Rory the truth, seeing as he was already going to lose her. He turned in the direction of the Gilmore residence and ran a shaky hand through his hair._

When he arrived there he noticed Lorelai sitting on the front porch with a drink in her hand. Images of his mother, a glass in her hand, flashed through his mind and he quickly pushed them to the back of it.

"What you drinking?" he said, forcing a cheerful tone into his voice.

Lorelai looked up and gave him a small smile.

"Oh, apple juice" she said, "It's frightening trying new things isn't it. My coffee's crying out in jealousy. It's very embarrassing to see to be honest"

Dean smirked and sat beside her on one of the white plastic chairs. "How are you lately?"

"Me? Just peachy. Just had a visit from my ever so sweet mother." She trailed off in her rambling kind of way, before speaking again, "how about yourself kid?"

Dean sighed. "I've been better to be honest. I just came to see if Rory was home. I get the feeling she isn't. Am I right?"

"Yep. You can go right on to the $1000 question now."

"And what's that?" he said, sinking back into the chair, somewhat defeated from all the courage he'd built up in order to talk to Rory.

"How are you crazy kids these days?" she smiled, and put her glass of half drank apple juice down on the table.

Unsure of what to say Dean put his chin in his hand and leaned over a ledge, refusing to look at Lorelai.

"That bad huh?"

He decided he was being kind of rude and sat up straight again. "It's nothing big. I think Rory is okay... I wouldn't really feel right talking about it with her mother. It just... seems... I don't think Rory would like it." He stared at his hands as he spoke.

"Okay Dean, you don't need to tell me if you don't want to... something seems to be bothering you though. Are you okay sweetie?"

Dean shook his head, her words reminding him of his mothers. "I, I can't even feel comfortable around you..."

"What?" Lorelai asked, the confusion evident on her face.

"It's not you... well it is..."

"Dean, now I know I look young for my age – but do you have a crush on mua?!"

Dean looked up, realising how he must have come across and began to shake his head. "No" he began, "...I mean, yes, you do look young for your age and no one would deny that you're very good looking, but... I wasn't meaning to sound like that, like this... Oh God, I just wanted to be honest with someone... But Rory wasn't here."

Lorelai took on a more serious expression as she saw how frustrated Dean was becoming. "Hold on there kid, it sounds like me you've got a lot you need to get off your chest."

He finally managed to get out some words and the words surprised Lorelai more than anything. "I wish you were my mother" he said.

Lorelai had her worried face on now. This was certainly an unusual thing for Dean to say. She hadn't heard much about his parents, but for him to deny his own mother, well it wasn't like the Dean she knew.

"My parents threw me out of my own house tonight..."

Lorelai's worried expression became even more exaggerated. "Why?"

Dean laughed, "you think I did something too..."

Lorelai shook her head, "No, I just... people don't generally just throw people out of their houses for no reason..."

"Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry. Just... it's been a strange day."

"Bad, strange?"

He fought the urge to say 'What do you think?' and replied with a weak nod.

"Well, I don't think Rory would think any less of you if you were to tell me what happened and why you're upset. It sounds like this whole thing is about your life, not you and Rory. What do you think kid?"

Dean raised a hand to mouth. "I guess so."

There was a long pause, until Lorelai interrupted the silence, "So...?"

Dean looked at her properly for the first time since he'd sat. "I've never told anyone before... you might look at me differently"

Lorelai felt this small stabbing pain in her guts as worry started to set in. "Dean, as long as you haven't hurt Rory or you're secretly Ted Bundy's great grandchild I'm not going to judge you okay? Do you believe me?" She reached out and touched his arm. He let her for a moment and then pulled away, nodding.

"My... my Dad isn't my real Dad. But nobody else knows..." He said matter-of-factly. He watched Lorelai's expression and it was consistently full of both concern and probably a little curiosity. "My real Dad... he, he... I haven't seen him since I was six years old" He pauses for a long time, tears threatening to fall. "He wasn't nice to my Mom... or me..."

"Dean?" Rory's voice echoed in his mind before he looked up at her. He rubbed at his eyes and stood.

"Hi" he began, "I just... I was just waiting for you"

"Dean, you should still talk about this" Lorelai cut in.

Dean nodded, "I know, but, but I think I should be going now... My Mom, she needed something from Dosey's anyways, sorry to leave so soon Rory, I'll see you tomorrow?"

Rory had the most puzzled expression on her face. Dean was behaving very oddly, but it had looked almost like he was having a real heart to heart with his mother. It always made her feel uncomfortable the way he got on with his mother. Dean walked by her, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving.

"I'm sorry" he mumbled again, looking from Lorelai to Rory.

"Mom?" Rory stood in front of her, "What was that all about?"

"I'm not completely sure myself, but I think you guys need a long talk..."

* * *

Dean sat on the ground, his back to the wall of Doseys. He thought about how things had changed so quickly between him and Rory. It didn't feel like it was that long ago he'd given Rory her first kiss inside Doseys. It took a lot of courage for him to do that. It always did when he liked a girl a lot, but with Rory, he liked that girl more than any other. He loved her. When he broke it down in his mind, he began to question why he loved her. What was it that he loved about her? Her gentle way? Her articulate banter? Her porcelain skin and vibrant eyes? Her concentration? Or maybe, maybe it was because she didn't force herself on him... she wasn't possessive and jealous and controlling and... all the things his mother and father were to him.

It felt like his heart had been breaking for a long time.

His bum was starting to get real numb from the ground. Frustration kicked in again. Nothing seemed fair – he felt like he was always walking on egg shells even with the people who lived in his own town and it was probably just because he was dating their beloved Rory, but he always felt it was more than that, like he just wasn't worthy of anyone's praise or positive attention. He figured it was just down to being a teenager and that things would change eventually. That one day he wouldn't despise himself so much.

He suddenly felt a surge of anger and took off down the street. 'I need to get out of this damn town' he said to himself as he headed for the nearest train station.

* * *

I hope this isn't too short and you enjoyed it. Reviews are very much appreciated and thanks for reading.

Thankyou very much DaiHinMin for your lovely review and as you can see I have taken your suggestion into account : ). I will however try to surprise you on occasion ; P

Regards,

~Lorelai Poulain

* * *


End file.
